<p>Okay! I know this is a short chapter but I felt weird about leaving that last chapter hanging for too long :/ Thanks to my beta.

<p>Brian wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He stalked around the loft, drunk off of his ass finding anything and everything that belonged to Justin and throwing it. He knew that he was acting childish but at the moment he didn’t really care. With a half empty bottle of Jim Beam in his hand he walked over to a discarded sketchbook of Justin’s, now laying on the living room floor. He stopped and looked down at the page that it had opened to.

<p>He looked into his very own hazel eyes staring back at him. Brian stood there for a minute just staring at the book lying below him before he bent down slowly and plucked it up from the hardwood floor. He dragged his heavy feet to the couch and let himself fall down on the firm surface. He stared at his own face in a drunken stupor. He let the Beam bottle slip from his fingertips and hit the cushion next to him. The liquor poured from the bottle onto his seven thousand dollar couch staining it brown. Brian didn’t seem to notice.

<p>He let his fingertips run over the top of the page as he studied his own image. He was amazed at what he saw. People would be quick to assume that when the great Brian Kinney looked in the mirror every morning that he saw a confident, handsome man. This was not always true. When he looked in the mirror he saw a bitter old queen whose flame was quickly dying out. Sure he had confidence in his abilities, sexually and professionally, but Brian soon learned that age wasn’t always “just a number” and that he was in fact getting older by the day. He could not only see it in the lines on his face, but he felt it… every day he felt it and it wore him down.

<p>That was until he met Sunshine. Justin did exactly what his namesake said, he brightened up his world. As lesbian as that sounded, it was true. 

<p>Brian let his eyes run over his lips that were drawn on the paper, full and… smiling, as if he were actually happy. A smile he shared with very few people, Justin being one of them. Justin captured it on paper. His eyes studied each and every line in the portrait, every curve of charcoal Justin’s very own hand had created.

<p>He looked happy, carefree and… young. He looked handsome and confident, fiery yet calm. 

<p>Was this how Justin saw him?

<p>Did Justin really see him as this man that he wished he was, the man he used to be…?

<p>Brian felt wetness touch his jean clad leg and looked down to see his couch covered in Beam. He sighed and picked up the now empty bottle with his right hand, still clutching Justin’s sketchbook in the other. He shrugged his shoulders and tossed the bottle over his shoulder and barley flinched when it shattered against the hard floor. He didn’t care about his professionally polished floor or his fucking designer couch or the mess he had made with Justin’s stuff all over his loft.

<p>No, he didn’t care, because Sunshine didn’t care… and that was all that mattered anymore.

<p>~~~~~

<p>Justin sighed heavily as he got out of Ted’s car. His cousin said he could borrow it as long as he actually picked him up from work this time. He walked to the front of Brian’s building and bit the bottom of his lip. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do and he hoped Brian would understand and forgive him. The blonde kept seeing Brian’s hurt expression in his mind and he figured last night of absolutely no sleep was God’s way of saying “way to go, asshole.”

<p>Justin pulled out the key Brian had given him and felt the weight on his heart grow. He did his best to ignore it and unlocked the door, letting himself in. Ignoring the elevator in favor of the stairs he took two at a time, eager to get to Brian’s loft, but also scared of what he would face. When Justin reached the floor he was looking for he tried his best to square his shoulders and look calm. He had a feeling that it wasn’t working.

<p>He sighed grabbed the loft’s door handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. He turned to handle and slid the door open. He stopped.

<p>Eyes widening at the state the loft was in Justin carefully stepped inside, stepping over shattered glass that covered the sticky floor and made his way to the bedroom. Brian was lying in his bed, fully clothed and on his stomach snoring slightly. Justin couldn’t help the small smile that came over his face at the sound of Brian’s snores but it quickly disappeared when he saw a small bottle clutched in his hand. Panic washed over Justin as he rushed to Brian’s side and took the bottle from his hand. He sighed in relief when he saw that it was only over the counter sleeping pills, and the bottle was nearly full.

<p>Setting the bottle on the night stand Justin sat on the platform bed. He brushed the brunette hair, wet from sweat, away from the man’s eyes. The blonde’s heart clinched when he saw Brian’s dry lips and flushed cheeks. It didn’t look like that man had gotten much sleep last night either. Justin sighed and stood up, looking around the bedroom. Anything that he had left over at the man’s loft was thrown across the place. He tried his best to be mad but he couldn’t blame Brian. So instead he simply started picking up the place, starting with the bedroom and then continuing onto the living room where he carefully cleaned up the glass and wiped up the all of the liquor. Deciding not to try to tackle the couch he continued to pick up various articles of clothing he had left over. 

<p>‘I had no idea I had left so much stuff here… fuck, it was like I was already living here.’ Justin thought to himself as he leaned against the kitchen counter. He rubbed his temples, trying to fight the headache that was quickly forming. Pushing off of the counter he turned and walked into the kitchen intent on making some coffee. He knew that they would need it.

<p>~~~~~~

<p>Brian woke up with a massive hangover. Briefly remembering last night he pushed himself off of the bed and stumbled to the bathroom. After splashing his face with cold water he ignored the mirror above the sink, not wanting to look at his own refection. He walked out of the bathroom and across his bedroom when he stopped. He smelt coffee. Closing his eyes he hoped to any God that would listen that it wasn’t Mikey.

<p>He slowly descended the steps up to his bedroom and looked towards the kitchen. There sat Justin at the bar with a mug of coffee in his hands and an unreadable expression on his face. 

<p>Brian wasn’t sure what he wanted to do more. Kick the blonde out or hug him. He shook his head and settled for taking the mug of coffee Justin was now handing him. Not willing to look up at the other man he sat across from the blonde.

<p>Brian took a sip and restrained himself from smiling. Justin knew exactly how he liked his coffee; even Cynthia couldn’t get it right. He looked around the now clean loft wondering why Justin had cleaned it. He wondered if the blonde was just going to act as if last night didn’t happen. He snorted. That wasn’t going to happen.

<p>Finally Brian felt composed enough to look at Justin only to see the other man looking down at his mug. He cleared his throat.

<p>Blue eyes met his and Brian nearly lost his train of thought. Mentally slapping himself he continued.

<p>“What are you doing here?” he asked. Justin sighed. 

<p>“Brian, I-I came here because we have to talk.” Justin answered and Brian snorted.

<p>“Right. If your here for your stuff feel free to take it. I’m just not sure where it all is right now…” Brian said refusing to meet Justin’s eyes.

<p>“I’m not here to break up with you!” Justin said slightly offended. Brian laughed bitterly. 

<p>“You’re right. In order for you to break up with me, we would’ve had to have something to break.” he said sarcastically, glancing over at Justin who was trying his best not to look hurt. Brian ignored the pang he felt at the look in Justin’s eyes.

<p>“Would you please just listen to me Brian?” Justin said in a shaky breath. Brian’s bitter laugh rang out through the loft again. 

<p>“And what? Listen to your ‘Lets be friends’ bullshit?” he snorted, “No thanks.” he finished and dumped his cooling coffee down the sink, and headed for the wet bar.

<p>“What the fuck, Brian?! Aren’t you listening? I AM NOT BREAKING UP WITH YOU!” Justin yelled in a frustrated voice. 

<p>“Then what?! What do you want? Why are you here?!” Brian asked, now angry. 

<p>“I need to explain…” Justin started but Brian cut him off.

<p>“Explain what? Huh? Why you are willing to actually call me your ‘lover’ but won’t fucking move in with me? Your willing to let me dine you, fuck you, then hold you all fucking night but you won’t even THINK about living with me? Am I that gullible? That I’d actually let you use me… then when things start to get serious you freak out and run away?! HUH?!” Brian exploded and slammed the bottle in his hand on the counter splashing the contents all over the marble surface.

<p>“No-” Justin started but Brian interrupted him once again.

<p>“You know what’s really funny, Sunshine? That everyone thought that I was going to be the one to back out. That I was going to be the one to fuck things up… but no! OH no, the first time I actually take a chance on someone I lo… care about it fucking blows up in my face. People fucking wonder why I keep away from relationships, why I don’t get close… well this is fucking why! Because of little twinks like you who like to take people like me for joy rides. Well you know what Sunshine; I’m not fucking playing anymore!” Brian yelled, not able to keep himself quiet anymore. He didn’t dare look in the other man’s eyes which now were spilling over with tears.

<p>“Is that what you think? Is that what you fucking think of me Brian? That I used you? FUCK YOU! I said no not because I didn’t want to be with you! I said no because I can’t rely on other people anymore!” Justin yelled, now equally worked up. 

<p>Silence followed that statement. Brian now stared at Justin with a confused look on his face.

<p>“What the hell do you mean by that?” Brian asked, the anger in his voice now replaced with curiosity.

<p>“I mean all my fucking life I’ve relied on someone. First it was my Dad, then my Mom, then Ethan then Cody then Ben… and NOW Ted! I’m nineteen fucking years old and I need to be on my own! I need to grow up!” Justin yelled angrily, tears now freely falling down his face, “I want to be with you Brian, I love you alright?! But I can’t take advantage of you… I won’t…” Justin finished, his voice cracking at his last statement.

<p>Brian stood in shock at what the other man had said… or namely, one thing the man had said.

<p>“You love me?” he asked in a whisper unable to stop himself.

<p>Justin didn’t answer, he just bowed his head. Brian walked over to the blonde and tilted his tear stained face up toward him. Justin nodded slightly.

<p>Brian head was filled with jumbled thoughts and his was fueled with unfamiliar feelings. His throat went dry. He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something but Justin cut him off. 

<p>“I know it doesn’t matter, you don’t ‘do’ love and even if you did I’ve already fucked things up…” Justin started.

<p>“Justin…”

<p>“It was just so sudden and you didn’t give me a chance to explain…”

<p>“Justin…”

<p>“Now everything is out of whack and it’s all my fault-”

<p>“Justin!” Brian cut him off, the blonde looked up at his curiously, “Shut up.” he said simply. Brian saw the blonde’s mouth open as if he were going to protest but Brian stopped him by placing his lips on Justin’s. 

<p>The younger man instantly relaxed as Brian’s arms snaked around his waist. The two sat there, content with being in each other’s arms, yet still confused as to what was happening.

<p>Justin pulled away reluctantly and hissed as he grabbed his head. Brian looked down to see Justin’s right hand shaking violently and cursed. He walked over to the bedroom and came back few seconds later with Justin’s medicine. He filled a glass full of water and handed it to the blonde who gratefully downed two pills. He looked up at Brian unsurely. 

<p>“I went to the pharmacy and got another bottle… just in case you had a panic attack here and didn’t have any with you.” he confirmed. Justin smiled sadly.

<p>“Now I really do feel like an asshole.” he said quietly and Brian chuckled. 

<p>“Well, you‘re my asshole, okay?” Brian said and Justin laughed. The older man smiled at this, happy to hear that laugh again.

<p>“So are we… okay?” Justin asked uncertainly. Brian smirked. 

<p>“Well… I don’t know…”

<p>“Brian!” Justin yelled with a smile on his face. 

<p>“I think some major groveling needs to take place… but yeah, we’re okay.” Brian said. Justin rolled his eyes and smiled happily. Brian couldn’t take his eyes away from Justin’s smiling face. He had to laugh at the situation. Not two minutes ago the two men were screaming at each other, and now it was as if nothing had happened. The only evidence that a fight had taken place was the dried tears still staining Justin’s face and the smell of alcohol on Brian’s breath. That and his ruined seven thousand dollar couch… but that didn’t matter to Brian right now…Because his Sunshine loved him, and that was all that mattered.