Author's Notes: Thanks to my pushy beta KJ! Please note that sometimes the dates of the letters from one chapter to another will overlap or move slightly forward or back in time a lot. It is not my intention to confuse you – more to compensate for the passage of time. This chapter starts at a time in between two letters from chapter 4 – sorry if this is a tad confusing. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Justin's POV July 17, 1861 I'm surrounded by fighting, death, and disease; but at this moment I feel nothing but joy. Just two days ago I sent off a letter to Brian with some small details of my life here. I was beginning to think he would never respond. And now I am looking at a letter that holds more promise and more good news than I could have ever really hoped for. I've been sitting here for the last few minutes trying to figure a way to respond without being obvious with what I am talking about. Brian is right that I do need to be careful, for his sake as well as my own. I have never heard of two men trying to be with each other before, but I'm sure if I had that it would have been spoken of negatively and harshly. I need for Brian to know how happy he has made me and that I look forward to seeing him again more than anything else. Dearest Brian, I am filled with such delight now that I have received your letter of July 9. The life of which you speak intrigues me and I look forward to exploring it with you. I am only filled with trepidation over your increased experience in this pursuit over mine. Should you think I am pathetic for not knowing my way? I am glad however that one of us shall know what to do and we need not fumble our way through it. I very much look forward to being your apprentice in this endeavor when I return home. Please continue to write to me. I miss home, but most of all I miss you. I will send a letter to Mother directly. Justin Taylor Leesburg, VA Army of the Shenandoah Jackson's Brigade – 2nd Regiment *************************************************************************** Dear Mother, Brian has told me I should write to you and let you know that I am well. We have seen a few small fights; Jackson has been working hard to train those of us without any previous military experience. Which as it turns out is a great many of us. I will try to write you regularly so you needn't worry too much. Justin Taylor Leesburg, VA Army of the Shenandoah Jackson's Brigade – 2nd Regiment Brian POV July 21, 1861 It has only been a few days since I sent my letter to Justin so I know it is foolish to think the one I presently hold in my hand is a response to that one. My biggest fear is that this letter will be one of regret withdrawing all that he said in the previous one. I shake off the thought, open and read the letter. To my great relief it is a simple letter that he has sent me explaining the things he is going through these days. July 29, 1861 Dear Justin, I look forward to being your mentor in our future joint venture. Please keep writing; I cherish the letters and the knowledge that comes with them that you are well. I will not always respond but please know your words are dear to me. Yours, Brian August 5, 1861 Justin has written to me with a heavy heart and I feel his pain. The boy I first met here, the one of innocence and laughter, that boy is gone. It was foolish of me to think that war would not change him; I suppose I never thought on it much. War will change him a great deal, I realize that now, I only hope it will not change him beyond my recognition. I sit down to write a response immediately, and I am quite distressed that I cannot offer him comfort in person. Justin, I received your letter of your experience at Bull Run. It troubles me greatly to think of you in these great battles. I wish I could offer you some type of comfort, but how to do so fails me at the moment. My inability to help you through this should not deter you from writing to me about these things. I know that you would go a bit crazy if you didn't have anyone to talk to. So please turn to me. Please, I beg of you stay safe. I want you back with me soon, and I want you back safely. Brian K. Later that day Jennifer visits again. She has not been here once since she asked me to get Justin to communicate with her. As I open the door to her I wonder what she wants this time. "Jennifer." "Mr. Kinney." "What can I do for you?" "I just wanted to thank you for having Justin write to me. I can tell by his letter he is still unhappy with me, but I hope in time that will change." "You're welcome. Is that all?" "Uh….no….I…." she hesitates before continuing "I guess I just wanted someone to talk to. Justin seems to trust you so I feel I can too. I hope that is alright. Its just that with both Justin and Craig gone I find myself craving adult conversations." "Don't you have quite a few other adults on your farm you can talk to?" "Well those are slaves," she sputters "it would not be proper." "You should forget proper. If you want to talk to someone, do it." "My husband would not approve, and even though he is in jail in Annapolis now I know somehow he would find out if I was consorting with the slaves." All I can do is snort. This woman has no one to talk to in her mind, so she comes to me; I will not be sympathetic. "Jennifer…" I begin but she cuts me off before I can ask her to leave. "Mr. Kinney, my husband is in jail and my son is gone because I sent him away. You are the closest tie I have to him; please do not turn me away." I let her stay for a few minutes more until she has talked herself out. She proceeded to tell me about Craig being difficult in jail. He will likely be stuck there longer than the others because of his bad attitude and behavior. I can't help but feel a little glad that Craig is stuck in prison while he sent Justin off to a prison of a different sort. She eventually leaves me alone again. I spend my night doing what I do most nights since Justin left, I relive our kiss, I reread his letters, and I think about our reunion. How different it will be now that we are both aware of our feelings towards each other. This is how my life and Justin's continue for over a year. The only contact we have is through the written letters, but every night I long to hear his voice and to feel his lips upon my own. I track the progress of the war from both sides, but pay careful attention to the movements of the Army of the Potomac – specifically Stonewall Jackson's brigade. His peninsula movement keeps Justin on the move and constantly in harms way. I am grateful however that Justin ended up enlisting with Jackson. He spent time to train his men and I believe this has kept Justin alive longer. The war seems to be bringing Justin closer to me, but it will not be close enough until he is in my arms. ************************************************************************* Harpers Weekly The bloodiest day in US Military history as General Lee and the Confederate Armies are stopped at Antietam in Maryland by McClellan and numerically superior Union forces. By nightfall 26,000 men are dead, wounded, or missing. Lee withdraws to Virginia. ************************************************************************* Justin's POV September 17, 1862 I have been with the army in this war now for a year and a half. In that time I have seen a few large battles and many small skirmishes between the two armies. This day that we are beginning seems more monumental than the others somehow. We are once again in my home state of Maryland and how I wish I could simply march away from camp one day, return to Burkittsville, and never look upon another battlefield again. Today found our command in a line in the rear of Sharpsburg; we are very tired with marching, exhausted with excitement, and savagely hungry. We stayed a short time, and on our return came down the road towards the Seventeenth. We were passing a group of soldiers lying behind a fence watching the flash of the enemy's artillery, which was on a high hill about a mile off. All at once a large twelve pound shell from one of these very guns struck the ground in the front, and then, as if cast by a child's hands, rolled gently around the group, and there it rested, with the fuse spluttering and blazing. The effect was ludicrous. We did not stop on the order of going, but went at once. Every man jumped, hopped, ran, or rolled from that harmless looking little black ball, and did not stop until they were at a respectable distance, when lying flat down, they awaited the explosion. It soon came, and shattered a whole panel of fence by the force of its discharge. How thankful we were that the fuse was so long. The shells begin to sail over us as we lay close behind the fence, shrieking its wild song, a canzonet of carnage and death. These missiles howled like demons, and made us cower in the smallest possible space. The sound suddenly stops as the pain of hot lead searing into my body begins. I feel myself crumple to the ground, my eyes get heavy, and the next thing I see is Brian's face. ____________________________________________________________________________________________________ AN: I must now thank an unknown solider whose account of this battle I used as inspiration for Justin's account. That writing was published in the Southern Historical Society Papers Volume XI. Richmond, Va., January, 1883. No. 1