Author's Notes: 
Thanks to my beta on this one – KJ! Thanks to Crazyfairy for Edge of the World and Kristin for The Abernathy Trilogy. Sorry this first chapter is so short. Personal life issues fucked with my muse. Also please note - I am NOT a civil war historian - or any type of historian for that matter. I have done some research but if I screw up the history - don't shoot me. If however, I have someone using a cell phone or watching tv - then feel free to burn me at the stake.
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<b>Burkittsville, Maryland – Early April 1861</b>

It was well after dark before I snuck out of our farmhouse. I've been doing this for months now and I've gotten so good at it I don't even fear being caught anymore. Three years ago I never could have imagined sneaking out of my own home every night . But now that I am 17, and father and I are at odds, I seem to have no other choice. No other choice if I want to maintain my sanity. 

A few months ago a man moved to town. He bought the bar in town and the house on the other side of the woods from ours. I've heard mother and father talk about him as though there is something disgraceful or unseemly about him, but I've grown quite fond of my new friend; Brian Kinney. 

Brian is 12 years older than I am but he is still unmarried so he has plenty of time to spend with me. Mother says that there must be something bad in his past for a man of his beauty to still be without a wife. In the time I've gotten to know him though, it seems that he doesn't want a wife. Brian has become my saving grace. He has opened his home to me on the nights when Father rants about our new President, or when the constant abuse of our house slave Harold has simply become too much for me to handle. Brian has tried to council me to stand up to my father. To stand up for Harold when Father whips him for simple mistakes. Sadly I find I just do not have the courage. Instead I run to Brian. He always offers me a warm smile, some food, and a place to express my own opinions. 

As I make my way down the familiar path through the woods I stop at the rock outcropping that hides some of my most precious belongings away from Father. Grabbing the satchel that contains parchment and pencils I grin, knowing that Brian will pose for me again if I ask him to. Nearing the clearing that Brian's small house is in I see there is still lamplight glowing in the window and my grin gets wider.

It was two weeks ago to the day that he told me to stop bothering him with my knocking and just come on in. I can still remember the warm sensation I got in my gut when he told me that. Brian is a fairly reclusive guy. He goes over to the neighboring town fairly often on some sort of secret business that doesn't seem to have anything to do with his bar business. Knowing that he is giving me free reign to his house and by extension to his life keeps me going while I struggle through the days at home on the farm.

"Well, well if it isn't little Justin Taylor." I smile in response until with a smirk he adds, "to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Shut up." He gives me a look as one eyebrow slowly forms a more prominent arch at my response.

I'm not surprised to see that he has left out a plate of food for me. He rarely eats his entire meal and often the leftovers are waiting for me when I get there. Sitting down at the table opposite him I start to eat without saying another word.

After a few minutes of silence, I'm eating while he works on writing up some new idea for the bar. He finally heaves a huge sigh and puts down the pencil.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

"The usual," I respond simply. I know he wants more, but I also know how disappointed he will be with me.

"Harold dropped a glass. It was empty so no mess was made, but Father went crazy anyway. He…" I pause not really sure if I can continue. I know if Brian learns of what I've done that he may not let me come over anymore.

"He what?" he asks in a tone that I know means he is beyond being patient with me. He wants an answer and I either give him one or go back to the home I just fled from.

With a small tremble in my voice I begin again; "He reminded me that he would be leaving town in two days time. He said that now that I was 17, I was responsible for running things as he would in his absence. He……. He made me secure Harold to the tree out front." I pause again but this time he doesn't press because he knows once I start talking it's hard to make me stop. Clearing my throat I steel myself for what I'm afraid is to come and continue with my story. "He had me bind Harold by the wrists, with his arms wrapped around the tree, and then he began to whip him. Harold's back still hasn't recovered from his whipping last week and he was open and bleeding after just three lashes. That's when Father handed me the whip and told me that a real man knows how to teach his slave a lesson. I …… I whipped Harold."

My head is hanging down in shame so I don't realize that Brian has gotten out of his own chair and come to stand next to me. I feel his hand on the back of my neck and he squeezes it slightly in that comforting manner that only he seems to have. I turn in the chair slightly so that my face is buried in Brian's stomach. I've let him hear my weakness, I cannot allow him to see it on my face as well.

The rest of the evening is spent in our usual way, me sketching and Brian reading; tonight he is reading the latest Harpers Weekly. The frustrated sighs occasionally escaping his lips let me know just how things are going. Seems there is talk of the impending war may start here in Maryland in the next few days. Troops are gathering at Ft. Sumter and Father along with all the other state legislators will be heading to Annapolis in the upcoming days. Brian and I are both opposed to the idea of our state succeeding from the union but Father is planning to vote for it. 

"Justin, when are you going to stand up to your father?"

Knowing it had been coming all night I was prepared for the question. "I'm not. I'm not like you Brian. You have no family, no one you are responsible for or to. As much as I disagree with him, he is still my father."

"He is never going to be what you want him to be. You'll always be disappointed."

"That may be, but it doesn't mean I should give up on him like he's given up on me." He shakes his head and sighs indicating he thinks I am naïve.

"Well I guess its time for me to sneak back in."

"I know you aren't going back home tonight and you aren't sleeping in the woods. You can stay here. Just for tonight."

An hour later Brian blows out the candles and we crawl into his bed. I make sure to stick as far to my side as I can. I don't want to encroach on his space since he is being nice enough to let me stay.