AN: From now on we will be moving through time faster. I will try and make sure you know how far in time we’ve moved forward. Once again — Brian’s POV. Persistent. Annoying. Smaller than me — so I should be able to control him. “Gus stop jumping on the bed, I’m awake!” Fuck. I shouldn’t have yelled. He looks like he is going to burst into tears. “I’m sorry Gus I didn’t mean to shout. Come here.” As he snuggles down next to me I glance over to the other side of the bed. Justin is smiling but it isn’t the full sunshine smile. It’s more like a cloudy day. Justin was doing so well for so long, but as tomorrow began to approach, he began having nightmares. Why now? I wish I knew. And I wish I knew how to help. I whisper in Gus’ ear. As Gus does what I tell him to I take a moment to watch Justin. We’ll see if this will help. At least help him get through today. Laughing loudly I watch Gus pounce on Justin and begin tickling him. Justin was unprepared for the attack and didn’t have a moment to defend himself. A year ago my birthday was much different. A year ago I no longer wanted to go on. Today I can’t think of any more perfect way to start a new year than with Justin and Gus. I’m glad Justin convinced me to have Gus sleep over last night so we didn’t have to worry about seeing the munchers twice today. Forcing myself out of bed, I amble into the kitchen and make breakfast. Okay make is a strong term — pour cereal, add milk. Done! “Justin, Gus, get your as…ahem….hineys down here. Breakfast is ready.” “Gee that was fast.” Smartass. Oh well at least Gus’ imitation of “Godzilla trounces Justin” helped cheer him up. My boys eat their breakfast, while I drink coffee. I’m sure somehow that Justin will force me to eat cake today. So no carbs for breakfast. I get a secret thrill out of quiet mornings like this. Watching Justin and Gus interact with each other is something I will never tire of. It’s amazing how many of Justin’s mannerisms that Gus had adopted. He looks so much like me, and acts so much like Justin. Sometimes I just like to pretend he is ours. And now I am wondering when I turned into Lindsay? “So boys, what are we doing today?” “You’re the birthday boy, you decide.” “Chuck E. Cheese!” Oh hell no! It’s bad enough on regular days but on my birthday?!? Fuck that. “Gus. It’s your daddy’s birthday and he is a little too old to celebrate at Chuck E. Cheese.” Oh watch it young man or I will take you over my knee and spank your bubble butt blue! “I don’t suppose you would let me get away with going back to bed?” He shakes his head no. Damn. It was worth a shot. “How about we take Gus to the park. He can run his damn fool head off, you can draw, and I can ignore you both.” Oops did I say that out loud? Oh thank god, he thought it was funny. I slowly sip my coffee while Justin clears his and Gus’ bowls away and get Gus dressed for the day out. Damn it’s nice being the birthday boy. I wonder how long I can milk this for all its worth? Justin’s sketchbook, my pants, and Gus. What do these three things have in common? At the moment they are caked in mud. And so is the fucking Jeep! Justin is stripping Gus down in the elevator after our disastrous outing at the park. “When you’re done with him I need stripping down too” Okay so maybe the day wasn’t a total blowout. He grabs the waistband of my jeans and yanks me to him roughly. Fuck. Someone is feeling the need to be in charge. After he rids me of my jeans in a far less affectionate manner than I had hoped for he steps back and smirks. Fucker. He knows there isn’t a damn thing I can do with Gus watching. Suddenly I realize we reached my floor ages ago. It is only a 3 story building after all. I yank the gate up, open the door to the loft, and leave Justin to deal with Gus. It was his damn idea to go to the park. Okay I suggested it — but I’m pretty sure the idea must have been his somehow — why would I ever want to go to the park? After the necessary Gus scrub down we decide to order dinner in and relax. The munchers are picking Gus up at 8 so that Justin and I can do some celebrating alone. It’s almost midnight. Gus has been gone for hours. Justin and I have made love in the bed, fucked on the floor, and sprayed lots of cum in the shower. My birthday and the unspoken agreement we had to not talk about tomorrow until tomorrow is almost up. I was hoping that with all the fucking he would have passed out as soon as he hit the bed. Sadly I can see that’s not going to be the case. Rolling over onto my side I pull him towards me, wrap my arm around him creating a supportive comforting cocoon, and whisper in his ear. “Go to sleep. We’ll deal tomorrow. Tonight remember he can’t hurt you anymore.” When I wake up around 5 am Justin isn’t spooned in front of me anymore. Sighing I get out of bed in search of my wayward youth. He’s sitting on the couch staring off into space, tears silently running down his face. Everything in me is screaming to run. Run away you can’t handle this. Everything except my heart. Not only is he crying but he’s shivering as well. I walk over to him and he doesn’t even see me. I’m afraid of what he does see. Leaning over I pick him up. Damn he’s heavier than he looks. I carry him back into the bedroom and lay him down on the bed. Climbing in, I pull the duvet up around us and lay there kissing away each tear as it falls. I don’t know what else I can do. I wake up again around 9 and realize that we must have drifted off to sleep. At least I hope we both did. Today it’s been a year since the prom. A year since the bashing. A year since his life, my life, and our life together changed forever. I hear the shower running and panic courses through me like ice through my veins. I’m not sure what I am afraid of — I just know stone cold fear when I feel it. I rush into the bathroom and stop short at the sight in front of me. He’s smiling and humming as he showers. What the fuck is going on? Deciding to go with the flow and hope that his early morning tears were the worst and the last of it, I strip and step into the shower. Showering, kissing, and loving. The day is starting much better than I thought it would. And since we told everyone we were not to be disturbed under penalty of death, okay I threatened death, Justin just said please, this day might not be so bad after all. We spend the day lounging, eating junk food, and circling around each other until I think I am about to lose it. But that could be the grease from dinner talking. Everything seemed okay this morning in the shower but shortly thereafter I could tell Justin had something on his mind. But I could also tell it wasn’t what I expected it to be. I expected a day of drama, tears, and possibly walking nightmares. But instead he’s been eerily quiet and glancing at me surreptitiously whenever he had the chance. When we’ve made love these last few days I’ve felt that something was wrong. I think I know what he wants, that he needs to be in control of something. I just don’t know if I can give him what he wants, what he needs. As much as I want to do whatever he wants, and can usually predict his wants and needs before he asks — a fact which still annoys me, he is going to have to ask for this one. “Brian, I…” Come on Justin ask. If you ask it, I’ll cum. Okay that its. Tomorrow we buy the Prada straight jacket. I am now thinking in Kevin Costner movie clichés. I guess I can help him out a little. “Justin. Whatever you need tonight, it’s yours. Just ask what you want to ask.” “Brian, I….” He sighs. Maybe he can’t do it. Hell maybe I can’t do it. “Brian I’ve felt so out of control lately. I need to feel truly alive again. I need to reinforce to myself that I am still here. I don’t want Chris Hobbs to win. Can I make love to you tonight? Will you let me be in control tonight?” “Yes.” I strip slowly; grab a condom and the lube. I walk over to him, kiss him softly and then turn around and lay face down on the bed. “Roll over. I need to see your face.” Rolling over I look at this boy, this man that somehow managed to worm his way beneath my defense and into my heart. I look at him with what I hope is trust on my face, even if it’s not what I feel. What I feel is fear. This is my last defense. My last barrier. Once he breaches this one he will have been inside every piece of me. My thoughts, my feelings, my spirit, and now my body. My biggest comfort is that I know he will take care of me. Physically of course because I have taught him well, but emotionally because he just always seemed to know how. I decide to just lose myself in the sensations and give myself up to him completely. To trust him completely. He covers nearly every inch of my body with warm, wet kisses. Making his way to my dick, he takes the head into his moist mouth and laves it with his tongue. He runs the tip of his tongue down the shaft to my balls and bathes them in the moist cavern as well. Moving back up my cock, he circles the edge of the head with his tongue. Then suddenly he has my entire dick in his mouth, the head bumping the back of his throat. After a few minutes of one incredible blowjob, I feel him move away slightly and I’m surprised at the moan I hear escape from my lips. Some part of me must really enjoy the feel of him between my legs instead of the other way around. I move my head slightly to look into his eyes as he puts on the condom and lubes both his dick and his fingers. One finger presses gently into my hole and I gasp at the intrusion. “Brian?” “It’s okay Justin. Keep going.” He simply nods his head and pushes the finger deeper into me. Justin is taking time to slowly add fingers and open me up. I know I will appreciate that later, but at the moment I just want him to hurry up. My body is screaming for release and so is another part of me that I won’t worry about now. He removes his fingers and repositions himself in between my legs. I wrap my legs around his waist, because god knows I’m not flexible enough to get them on his shoulders. I feel the head of his cock press against me requesting entrance. Let him in. Just let him in. He pushes forward and the pain shoots through my like I’ve been stabbed — in the ass! Ow fuck! He goes through this every time? He stares down at me, and I hear him repeat the words I once said to him. “Now relax. I want you to always remember this.” It isn’t long before he his thrusting steadily and I am panting just as hard. I feel a familiar tingling in my balls and reach for my own cock but he pushes my hand away. He wraps his hand around it and jerks on it until I am cumming, my internal muscles constricting him and sending him screaming, plunging head-first into his own orgasm. Afterwards we lie side by side. He is grinning and I am thinking. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Oh god what have I done? What have I done? I ruined it! I just ruined everything I know it!