First of all: I so hate to defend my writing. Not only because it’s annoying as hell, but also because I always found that everything worth explaining is already mentioned in my stories. And either the readers get it, or they don’t. And if that’s the case, well, I’m a shitty author, and no one would/should bother to read my stuff. But surprise: I’ve been writing fanfiction (and public stuff in the ´real world´) for six years now, and always had lots and lots of encouraging readers. Okay, but obviously there are people who constantly feel the need to pick at my stories and characters and with Kiss me Alright, we are now at chapter 20, and after truckloads of hate mails and countless ´Hey you sick person, do us all a favour and stop writing this horrifying story´ threats, I’m just tired. So I decided to give a statement. Once. As a writer, the author of this story AND the mother of an autistic boy. So listen carefully, because I won’t repeat myself. The major problem people seem to have with Kiss me Alright is Brian Kinney, who, in their opinion is a paedophile and pervert for being attracted to someone like Justin. An innocent 18-year-old boy. Something the real Brian Kinney from the show would have never done. Well let me quote some things out of the show for you then (and I have to apologize, because I’m not that good at quotes, unlike certain readers who HATE my stories but, amazingly enough, can quote every single word ever written). Good. It was said that my Brian from Kiss me Alright very well knows it would be very wrong to be ´lusting´ after Justin, but can’t control himself and in the end doesn’t give a shit and humps Justin (and that’s a completely wrong look at the whole thing, but I will get to this later) Now, let's look at QAF: Brian says to Justin during a conversation we all know... You can't be with me. I'm too ol...you're too young for me. So, clearly Brian knew Justin was too young and innocent for him in the show...does that mean he's a paedophile for continuing the relationship? For Brian Kinney in the show, Justin is his Sonny Boy, his son, brat, kid, boy and hell, in episode 1, even his second Baby; he calls him all that. He had no idea how old Justin was before he gave him the first hand job, and I'm sure he would've slept with him, if Melanie hadn't called. Justin didn’t appear to be 18 (or look like an obviously 17-year-old, for that matter). In that first episode, he could've been 15 or whatever, and Brian nevertheless took him home. He was clearly attracted to Justin’s youthful looks and innocent/naive behaviour. It’s what he fell in love with. The sweet, innocent highschool boy. There was no equal relationship. Brian was older, wiser, and more experienced. He had money, a great job, and friends his own age. Justin, on the other hand, was a virgin, had only one friend his own age that we know of and was unemployed. He lived with Brian...Brian would be described as his sugardaddy. That is not an equal relationship. And of course Brian loved his position and was aware of how young and innocent Justin was, but he still fucked him. And not because Justin looked good or had a nice ass. We all know Brian’s typical type of trick is tall and dark and very manly, and by no means anything Justin ever was. Okay that’s Brian in the show. Now lets take a look at Brian in Kiss me Alright. When he first saw/met Justin he was nothing but annoyed. Sure maybe he thought of him as a good-looking (and yes, very young) guy, but he had no desire to deal with Justin’s behaviour. His attraction towards Justin grew slowly, while getting to know Justin better. And he struggled immensely before he made a few very careful moves in any sexual direction. Because, of course, he is aware of Justin’s special situation and had no idea how to deal with it. Who would? But the point is: He never took advantage of Justin’s situation. He never did anything against his will. And he won’t. Because Brian Kinney (yes, the one from the show) wouldn’t do such a thing to Justin, no matter in which universe. (By the way, I’m writing a season 1 Brian in Kiss me Alright, meaning a Brian who never met Justin, and therefore isn’t yet shaped by Justin’s positive influence. And I think mostly I’m doing a good job. But please feel free to disagree on this one.) I’m trying to make it very clear during the story, that Brian doesn’t see the poor little ill boy who can’t think for himself. He likes Justin as a man (if you must say so: A young man) and a person. He feels peace with him, maybe because he isn’t the most talkative person either. He doesn’t judge him or laugh at him. He cares about his needs. He wants Justin to eat well, to be dressed well, to be treated like a human being. As a young man. With respect. Okay, now on to the second major problem: Justin’s behaviour. I don’t know how many times people told me in Kiss me Alright, Justin would be babyish, dumb, retarded, can’t speak for himself, can’t make his own decisions. And really people, but I don’t think you are reading the same story I’m writing; because in Kiss me Alright, Justin is very bright and knows exactly what he wants. And for all the quote-freaks out there, let me get a bit more specific here: You see his intelligence in many scenes, but especially during the Hangman play (where he knows many foreign words). He also counts and can do math, he reads and can tell you exactly how old his shoes are (in days!); and all without visiting a regular school, ever. He also knows what he wants at any given time. He knows, and makes perfectly clear, which food he wants to eat, which clothes he wants to wear, when he wants to see Brian, where he wants to go and when. Some of you were also saying he had to get potty-trained by Brian, and that’s also not true. Justin pissed on the floor twice in this story. The first time because Brian sent him in his guest toilet, a room Justin hadn’t ever seen before, with a toilet inside looking absolutely different from the one he was familiar with. He didn’t piss on the floor because he didn’t know how to use a toilet, but because he didn’t recognize the strange urinal as a toilet. The second time was in his room at St. James, were a nurse told him to go and make ´wee-wee´. So Justin ´pissed´ on the floor out of protest. Okay and a last thing regarding Justin’s behaviour: The ´lusting´ after Brian. Justin is an 18-year- old and, believe it or not, even autistic people have sexual needs. Justin, if you want to call it that way, did lust after the male-prince in his book, long before he met Brian for the first time. He dreamt about meeting this beautiful guy he always saw in his book. And please let me ask one question: All you people out there saying it’s just wrong for Justin to have sex with Brian. With whom should he have sex? Another autistic person? His hand? Would you prefer if he lives without any sexual contacts all his life? And it’s so obvious Justin made huge positive process since Brian came into his life. Brian is good for him. I thought I made that very clear, too. He isn’t always fixated on his book anymore and, through Brian, has a chance to learn what the real world (outside of his fairy tale) looks and feels like. And Brian teaches him fundamental things in his own way, without making a big deal out of it. Like not to cross the street alone, or that you can piss in other toilets than your own. He taught him to eat other things than the ones on his schedule and to dress in clothes that are not his own. Brian has learned how to handle Justin, how to speak and communicate with him. And all of these things are huge for an autistic person. If you ever met autistic people, you will know, it’s not at all unusual for them to shy away from contact with other people. Mostly they don’t want to be touched or spoken to. If you touch them unasked or try to force them to do anything outside their daily routine, they will react highly irritated. They will scream, hit or scratch themselves (or you), try to run away. But if they (often after many month or years) find a way to communicate with you, allowing touches, looking for bodily contact (of whatever kind), talk to you, show you a smile, laugh with you, then it’s all by their own choice and it’s just wrong to say they are not able to have healthy contacts with other (mentally healthy) people. They do it all the time, all over the world, and it’s a huge compliment and gift to the ´normal´ person. Surely a grown man like Brian Kinney could easily force an autistic man like Justin into anything he wants. He could force him to wear the black underwear, he could force him to eat cream cheese toast instead of soy bean sprouts, he could force him into having sex. No matter how loud Justin would scream or fight. Just because Brian is (probably) the one with the greater physical strength. But that would be abuse and rape, and you don’t have to be autistic to become a victim of such horrible things. And I don’t think that I have to explain that Brian Kinney in my story has absolutely no intention of harming Justin in any way. What he does is show him love, understanding and respect. As I said many times before, I’m not an expert with Autism, even though I’m the mother of an autistic boy. But I write my autistic Justin to resemble the autistic people I have in my life. And believe me, it’s authentic if I write that Justin walks awkwardly or hesitates to climb on a bar stool he’s never seen before in his life, or that he talks the way he talks in my story. All of these things don’t make him a baby, a four year old, or a dump; they make him a person who suffers from autism and who has spent his life with very little environmental impact, locked in his room. It makes him a person who has to learn and a person who will always be different. It makes him a person with the right to be loved and to give love in return. With another person of his own choice. But that’s only Justin, and every autistic person is different. I wrote this story as pertaining to my niece, who also suffers from autism. She loves fairy tales and her dream is to someday marry her prince like the princess did in her books and movies. But stupid people are everywhere, and they tell her she’s not alright, not well, not normal and marriage is not for her. She mentioned it during a conversation with my daughter, where she (my daughter) told her she will marry someone like David Beckham, and she asked my niece who she wants to marry, and she said she can’t marry anyone, because she’s not alright. I was shocked and sad and angry. You can tell me it’s horrifying and disgusting for a healthy person to love an autistic person (and that’s exactly what my story is about, even though the words ´I love you´ will never be mentioned), but the only answer you’ll get from me is: You should be ashamed. And you really should hope that your beloved EQUAL partner won’t kick your pathetic butt out of the door (or into the nearest lunatic asylum) if tomorrow on your way to work, your car is hit by a truck, your brain is damaged and you have to crawl, toddle, pad or plod your way through life. I’m the first to say mentally handicapped people, different people, what ever term you’d like to use, should be protected from other people who are trying to take advantage of them or abuse them. But I’m also the first to hope and pray that one day my little one will find a caring, loving and strong person who can and will give him what he wants and needs, who will respect him as a human being, not force him to do anything he doesn’t like and to just love him like he deserves to be loved. And if you won’t agree with me, just go to hell, because you’re not even worth the time I’ve used to explain all this to you. And I believe I, as an author of fanfic, have the right to write Brian and Justin being anything and anyone I choose. The genre AU was introduced many, many years ago and you will find it in every fandom, so get over it. I do believe that I give my best to keep my characters IC even in AU’s, but you’ll always find people who disagree with me on that. I never forced anyone to read my stories, and always had plenty of fans following my fiction, so I must be doing something right. And even if I wrote original characters, using canon character traits but changing their looks and names, most of my readers did recognize them, saying “Hey that’s Brian Kinney you wrote there, right?!” So stop telling me “But it’s not Brian and Justin and it’s not TEH LOVE bla bla” because you’re not in the position to judge things like that. You can write what’s best to your liking and read what you want, but you can not tell any one to stop writing AU stories, just because in your opinion Brian and Justin would never move to Siberia, raise cattle or start a windsurfing school on Hawaii. You don’t know that. If anyone would’ve told me during season one (or two, or three, or four, or five minutes before it happened) Brian Kinney would ask Justin Taylor for his hand in marriage, buy him a mansion and ask for some cuddling-time instead of a blow job, I would’ve called the guys with the strait jackets. But it happened. I also can’t imagine Brian Kinney snowboarding in Vermont and really try to forget the whole bicycling drama. For me that’s OOC, but of course it’s not, because the writers of the show make the rules. And if I take Brian Kinney and confront him with the situation of meeting an autistic Justin, I try to imagine what Brian Kinney would do and then write it. For my personal liking, QaF was/is the most perfect show and I wouldn’t change a thing. That’s why I love to write AUs, because I don’t have to change the characters (which means their names, looks and characteristics) I love and don’t have to change my favourite TV show. And only because you take Brian Kinney and let him be poor and move to Africa, it doesn’t mean he’s not Brian Kinney anymore. I would be still Nicki if I had to live on Jupiter, too. Oh, and dear happier_bunny, I’m really flattered you accredit me with the powers of mind control like hot hunky Rage, so I can manipulate my poor readers, ´distracting them from what's really going on in this story´. But I’m afraid you’re wrong. I’m just an author who is able to touch and move some readers with the stories I write. Finally, for those of you like my story, I want to say a very heart-felt thank you. I am honoured to have you as readers and I will continue to write for those of you who wish to read it. -Nicki