Brain’s POV I’m lying here next to my best friend wondering what the fuck I did. What I did with Justin was wrong…so wrong. We fucked .The complicated thing is it was fucking awesome he is a very quick learner and looked so beautiful. I’m lying next to an angel. I tainted him…he was so pure an innocent. His skin was so soft he looked so hot and his eyes…ok fuck this shit, I have to go home before he wakes up. ____ Brian looks over at the clock on the nightstand by Justin and sees its 6:45. He gets up, gathers his clothes and keys, and heads home, all the while thinking of what a mistake he made sleeping with his best friend. Brian makes himself blame the sex on the booze he had last night, but he forgot he made a promise to Justin. A promise that Justin will not forget, not ever. When Brian opens the door to his own room, he takes of his shirt and lies down on his bed thinking about the night before and what he did with Justin. He picks up a cigarette and lights it. He tries to remember something of the talk they had in Babylon and the talk he had with Emmett. When flashes come to mind he starts freaking. ____ Shit how could I do that...sleep with Justin? I'm such a shit. I mean, he thinks he is in love with me. What the hell have I done? I've made things so much worse, I have given him hope, to love me more then he already does. As hard it is to admit, our friendship is ruined. This is not what I want from him or from anybody for that matter. I have to set things straight even if I have to hurt him. No I can’t hurt that boy. I am not capable of love. But I can’t hurt the boy who loves me. Justin’s POV When I start to wake up, I feel that the warmth from yesterday is gone. I am afraid to open my eyes because if I do, I know Brian will be gone. When I move my hands to the other side of my bed my thoughts are confirmed. I feel nothing…not Brian, not my best friend, nor the person I love. Cool sheets are running under my hands. I know what we did last night was wrong but it felt so good. He made me feel good, I was alive. I was living my moment with Brian. Who ever thought I would have sex with Brian? When we were 14, I made a promise to myself I would never fall in love with him. Yeah of course I loved him then but not like this, not like last night. Now 3 years later, I broke my rule. The only thing I hope for is that he doesn’t treat me like one of his tricks, which I am afraid of, but one of his friends that I always have been. The feeling of getting sick is coming, the only thing I want to do is stay in bed with the pleasant thoughts of last night, afraid to face the consequences, because I know if I go out the door he will be watching me, seeing my every move. Just to bring me down on his words. When I look at the clock I see it’s already 9:15. I close my eyes and try to relax. I hear a loud knock on my door and it startles me. “Justin!” I hear my mom call from outside the door. “We are going to be late, we have to be at the club at eleven.” Shit I forgot we are meeting Brian’s family at the country club for some stupid lame ass golf game. ”Ok, I’ll just take a quick shower. I will be down in a bit!” One second later just as I finish my last word my mother storms in yelling. ”Don’t take that tone with me young man. You just make sure you are ready by 10:30. Do I make myself clear?” ”Yes mother dearest.” I shot back with sarcasm evident in my voice. ____ Before Jennifer turns out to leave she glares at Justin but she can’t help but finish it off with a little smile. Justin stumbles his way out of bed, getting undressed as he heads to his personal shower, trying to keep good thoughts and hoping the day will go as he would like it with no fuss about anything that happened. Just next door, Brian is getting dressed and he is putting on his best face of indifference. When Justin is the last one to walk out his house he looks over at the side to spot something of Brian’s presence. When he sees the car is already gone and no one is home anymore, he let’s out a sigh of relief. Well…here goes nothing. Two hours later at the club Brian is sitting outside under a big white parasol while his parents are laughing and gossiping with other members with money. He is laid back in his chair…anyone who would pass by would think that this boy has no worries. But if you looked in Brian’s eyes you could see the sparkle is gone, like he lost something. Justin is standing in the club dining area looking through the window where he spots Brian. He lets his eyes wander all over this boy’s body. In all these 18 years they have known each other, he had never thought about how truly beautiful Brian was. Sure, he though he was hot but now it was deeper than that. His eyes are like windows into his soul, his arms are strong and lean and he felt so safe in those arms last night. He wished deep in his heart he could go back to that moment. As he is standing there he never noticed that his mother is standing next to him watching how Justin is in deep thought as he looks at Brian. When Jennifer asks him a question he loses his thoughts. ”Honey, is there something wrong between you and Brian?” ”No, why would you think that?” Justin says as casual as he could manage. ”Oh, no big reason. It’s just I heard some noises coming out of your room last night and I could swear I heard Brian’s voice, but I guess I could be wrong. He normally waits for you when we go to the club and I noticed he wasn’t waiting for you today. Are you sure there is nothing you want to tell me Justin?” ’Shit i forgot my parents last night. They were home. Stupid, stupid, stupid!’ Justin thinks. He feels caught up. ”No mom I guess you heard wrong. There is nothing wrong between me and Brian, and if there was anything we will fix it ourselves.” Justin takes Jennifer’s hand to show that he is serious and grown enough to know what he is doing. ”Ok, don’t forget I am always here if you want to tell something…and that includes anything!” Jennifer says with a smirk. Justin nods and feels very uncomfortable. Something was telling him that his mother knows he is gay, and even worse, she heard him and Brian having sex. ”I am going to see where you’re father is. We’ll be in the tea-room honey, if you need us just come there ok?” ”Ok mom, see you later.” Jennifer turns around and heads to the tea-room. Justin watches his mother leave and looks at Brian again. ’Ok Taylor enough with the thinking, lets act!’ He thinks to himself. With that thought he leaves the dining room and goes outside over to Brian. He sits down in the chair next to Brian and looks him in the eye, ready to tell the biggest lie he ever had. Brian just looks at Justin and they fall in complete silence. Justin decides it was a sign. He needs to tell what he prepared, just an act, no real feeling, just lies. ”Brian can we talk about last night?” ”If you want to go ahead, I am listening.” Brian is concerned. He doesn’t know what Justin would say to him. He’s afraid that Justin is really in love with him and that he has to break Justin’s heart by telling him that Brian doesn’t feel the same way. ”Look Brian, forget what Emmett said to you because I know he was the one who told you I love you. Of course I love you Brian but not in that way. I just wanted sex. No strings attached. You of all people should know how that works. I just wanted it to be you because I can trust you. I know you won’t fall in love with me…“ Justin heart is aching as he tells those lies. He just wants to jump on Brian and tell him how much he loves him. Brian doesn’t know what hit him. “ Justin, I…” ”No Brian, listen to me! It was just a moment that we didn’t think over. Well I thought it over, you didn’t and Brian I know you and I knew this would turn out all awkward and all and I just have to deal with it. I don’t want more from you then friendship because I know you can’t give more to me than that and that’s fine by me. I’m not gonna queen out on you and expect a wedding ring.” Brain looks Justin in the eyes and sits stunned at what he had just said. Brian feels like his heart is being ripped out of his chest. ”Justin I … euhm, I understand. We are just friends and when we had sex last night it was something I wanted to do for you…to make you feel special. You are right, no strings attached! Still best friends?” Justin smiles. He’s glad Brian bought the whole act. And still, he is so sad that Brian didn’t tell him that he was wrong, that it was love, that their friendship turned out something powerful. ”Yeah, best friends!” Justin says as he looks at Brian and pokes him in the side.