You look out your window and see your streetlight shining upon your face. Inhaling your cigarette you think about what could be and what couldn’t. You could be tricking; you can’t be loving him. You hate these thoughts. They keep invading your mind. You want them gone. How can they make you choose between your life style, and your love? Love it’s such a silly word, isn’t it? To some people it means the world; to you it means hurt and pain. Your parents loved you, your father told you right before he left you in your room with a broken rib and some bruises, but hey, you were use to it. You are a big boy now so suck it up. They’re not here anymore; no mother or father. So they can’t harm you anymore. But other people can. The question is will Justin hurt you? How can you think that? Did you forget about the thousands of times you hurt him? You push him away, you keep calling him names, and you trick and you fuck before his eyes to hurt him and you know you are hurting him. Do you get a kick out of that? You are such a complicated person. Justin could heal you. You just have to let him in. Really let him in; not only in your life, but in your heart as well. That’s where he wants to be. If you look into your heart you will find him, if only a little piece. Do you remember the prom? Of course, how can you forget? Well, that was the moment you let him in. When you kissed you shared a moment, a memory, a feeling; and then it was gone the moment that stupid bat connected with his head. You felt so angry, your heart filled with anger and he was shoved out of your heart. But you, of all people, should know he left his mark. Now, a couple of years later, that mark is still there; but it has grown. You have grown. Justin has grown. Both into men who love each other but, damn man, you have to tell him. Stop thinking and begin to act. You will loose him again, just like you lost him to the fiddler. Another story with a lot of feelings, but that’s one is for another time. You have to concentrate on what you are feeling now. What do you want to do with your love towards Justin? You turn away from the window and crawl beside Justin back into bed. It’s so warm here next to him. He just radiates sunshine, even in the dark. You hear his steady breathing; he’s sleeping soundly. He reminds you of an angel when you look at him like this. You stroke his cheek and he purrs. This is it. This is one of the millions of moments you don’t want to loose. You kiss his forehead gently and whisper “I love you” so softly even you can’t hear it. You said it. You can never take it back. Never…