“Negative, negative, negative,” Justin chanted softly. He was praying to God that the test would be negative. “Please, negative…I can’t be a dad…I’d fuck the kid up…” Justin stopped pacing and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door. He glanced at the watch Daphne had gotten him for his sixteenth birthday four months ago. A watch; why couldn’t have Brian gotten him a gift like that instead of a night of fucking? Not that Justin had been complaining at the time. As a matter of fact, he was rather surprised, considering Brian didn’t believe in celebrating birthdays, that he had “given” him anything at all. Four months ago on his birthday, May 19,he’d gone to Daphne’s to watch movies, play video games, hell, maybe even go out and drink. What Justin hadn’t anticipated was a surprise party. Justin glanced at his watch. One more minute until he learned his fate. He dropped to his knees and started praying to God he was not pregnant. Fucking Daphne, the only reason he even agreed to take a test was because during P.E. she said he looked fat. Fat! Justin reprimanded himself mentally. Brian was always right; he was acting like a drama princess all because Daphne called him fat. Back to the surprise birthday. After a full seven hours of partying, Daphne ushered everyone out by three o’clock - hey, she had to clean house before the parents got home the next day. Drunk, Justin decidedly called Brian to come pick him up. Did he want to be dropped off at home, Brian had asked. Fuck no, it was his sixteenth and he wanted to party at Babylon. Brian agreed. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen. The moment the jeep began moving, Justin’s stomach lurched and all the alcohol he’d consumed made an reappearance. Strangely he did not recall Brian being pissed; just another drink shoved in his hand as they made their way to the older man’s apartment. Where his “birthday surprise” was waiting; Brian had told him. Some present. Justin walked into his bathroom and looked at the pregnancy test in his hand and sniffed. He never in his life would have thought it would come to this. The more he stared at it, the more he hated himself. Suddenly he acted in rage, throwing the object across the bathroom at the opposite wall, which it hit with a 'clink' and fell miserably into the bath, rolling back and forward a few times before coming to a rest on the floor of the bath. The hand he'd held the object in tightened into a fist which he brought to his head in an attempt to steady himself. He took a few deep breaths, as tears began to seep out of his eyes. Continuous streams from both his closed eyes, sparkling on his cheeks. His lashes became wet and clumped as he brought his hands up to cover his eyes so that no-one else would be able to tell later what a mess he was. The tears began to catch on his palms and drip down his arms. It felt weird and uncomfortable, but he was too upset to care that much. What would he do now? What was his next move? What would he tell Brian? Glancing behind him quickly, finding nothing in the way he sank down against the cupboard. He almost dug the door-handle into his shoulder and flinched, but emotional pain was harder to bear at that moment so he let it pass. Justin pulled his knees into his chest, wrapping his arms around them in the hopes that he could bring himself the kind of comfort you get from someone's embrace. It didn’t work though, because he wasn’t someone else, he wasn’t being comforted, he was all alone. His head lowered onto his kneecaps and this time the tears soaked into his pants, making wet patches on the knees. He found himself rubbing his eyes on the fabric, trying to transport some of the wet smears on his eyes onto the trousers. Shock had been his first response, then fear. Now after a few minutes the true reality of the situation had set in, a million options, feelings and questions were running through his mind, and he didn’t want to answer any of them. He didn’t want this to be happening to him at all. This only made him cry harder, now once silent tears began disjointed sobs, choked sobs, he began to shake with the force of his tears. He rocked back and forth, trying to convince himself he was safe and nothing was wrong. Safe and nothing's wrong, safe… The irregular crying made his breath catch in his throat and he gasped for air. His head snapped up and watery eyes focused on the tiled wall opposite. The tiles were dark blue. Tiles that had seen much in their time. Justin wondered absently if the tiles had seen this coming when he hadn't. They'd seen so many things after all, they must be pretty wise by now. They must have figured it out before him, days ago, maybe even weeks. It was very possible. Justin paused, shaking his head to get rid of the thoughts. He cursed himself for thinking such crazy things, sure that he'd be thrown into a mental home soon enough. If he wasn’t crazy already, he would be soon enough. This was more than he could handle. He tilted his head back until it made contact with the cupboard he was propped up against, savouring the feel of the cold door on the back of his head — it was quite a calming sensation. A few more deep breaths in the hope of stabilising his breathing, and then a sigh. A heavy sigh. One of despair. He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth with his teeth, chewing on it a little. One thing was worrying him now — what would Brian say? He had to tell Brian, of course he did. Not telling Brian just wasn’t an option. There was also the question of how. How do you relay this news to someone? What's the best way to put it? “Oh God it's hopeless!" Justin cried out and began to sob again. His head instinctively went back onto his knees, forehead meeting forearms, feeling every shake that ran through his body many times, like shockwaves. His shoulders shook and he hiccupped a few times, not even managing to laugh at himself the way he usually did when he made funny noises while crying. He was past seeing humour in things at that moment. “Justin?" Came his mother’s voice through his bathroom door. "Justin? It's time for school. It’s hailing outside so I’m driving. Justin? You okay?" “I heard you!” Justin stood up to examine himself in the mirror. Fuck, he wasn’t fat, that slight buldge was a….baby. “Shit…” he bared his teeth, crying harder. If telling Brian was going to be hard, telling his parents would be even more difficult. They didn’t even know he was gay and if they suspected then they were in denial. “Justin!” Jenniffer’s tone turned from worrisome to annoyed. “I’m COMING mom! Jesus, fuck.” Zipping up his jacket he prepared for another day at school, and later, how he could tell Brian he was knocked up.