EXPERIENTIA DOCET Sic faciunt omnes Everyone is doing it This Chapter 13 in the "EXPERIENTIA DOCET" series. Narrated by Brian Kinney Featuring: Justin Taylor, Nicholas Brendon, Michael Novotony, Emmett Honeycutt, Cynthia Morgan, and others Series Rated NC-17 and contains no warnings or spoilers. September 2002 Summary: Brian and Justin go out on a night on the town. However things don’t go as Brian had hoped they would. Disclaimer: no profit made… The Boys are not mine.. No matter how much I’d love to have them… * * * * * * * To say that I’m fucking pleased that the day went well would be an understatement. Justin and Nicholas met with the crew and producer of the ad, and things clicked. Then we meet with Mr. Jacobs briefly at the studio, and I caught a glimpse of Justin’s past, as the two talked for hours it fucking seemed about people they both knew, and Justin’s family. I knew that Justin’s family issues were bad, but from what I caught of their conversation, it’s worse then I knew. All Justin would tell me was that his dad denied he had a son the moment Justin came out… I didn’t know everything else. To say that Craig Taylor is lucky that I haven’t met him would be a lie. Why would anyone treat a son like Justin that was is beyond me? After the mess with the studio, I dropped Justin and Nicholas off at the hotel, while unfortunately I headed back to work. Justin wants to head out to the clubs tomorrow, and I don’t really want to tell him no. But then there’s that part of me that really doesn’t want him to know what I was like before him. To say that I have a reputation would be an understatement. Everyone knows who I am, and Justin could take things the wrong way. Okay, so he already knows the sordid details of my life, but I still don’t feel comfortable with having him right in the thick of things. I don’t want him to change his mind about us. Now, I’ve never been scared in my life, about anything… but dammit if I’m not just a little bit afraid that he’ll see who I am…was, and wonder if I can be the man he wants. He deserves a hell of a lot, I know this, and I want to be that person. I’m not sure if I can though. I do know that if he ever were to find out about my little slip-up there last week, that would be the end of everything. So all I have to do is keep him from knowing. Anyway, when I get home we decide to spend the rest of the day at the loft. I shut off the phone, and don’t answer the door. I know that after the guys had seen Justin they would be all over. Mickey called my office and bitched to me once again, and frankly I don’t know what to say to him. Yeah, I never did believe in this shit, but then again, I never had met anyone like Justin before. What am I to do? Say no, I don’t want to spend time with him? That I don’t want to be with him? I can’t say that, cause it would be a flat out lie. I enjoy Justin’s company. I can see myself staying with him for a while. Tomorrow we have the ‘official’ meeting with Mr. Jacob, then Justin and Nicholas will be spending the rest of the afternoon going over what they need to do. While they are doing that, of course, I get to fuck around the office doing stupid shit – when all I want to do is spend the whole day with Justin. He’s not here for long, and I want to make sure that we get as much time in together as we can before he leaves to go back to LA. I can say one thing though, I am thrilled about working out of the LA offices part time. At least that gives us a chance to maybe make this whole thing work. I’ll have to spend half of my time there, and with his stops here I don’t see why we can’t. I always thought that this would be hard – you know being in a ‘relationship’ – that it would be a lot of work. It’s not that bad. Yeah so my phone bill will be outrageous, but hell that’s alright. Maybe it’s just easier than what everyone says cause he’s there and I’m here. But hey, I can do this. * * * * * * * When I got home, Justin was waiting for me. Seeing him there, waiting for me to come home – fuck this is something I think I could get used to rather quickly. I already know that I enjoy waking up to him every morning, having him beside me when I go to sleep. I never thought I would, but here I am. I’m in a fucking relationship, and the funny thing is… I think I could get used to this. Yeah, I know… he’s going to be heading back to LA here again soon, and lucky fucking me; I get to stay here in glorious Pittsburgh. This long distance thing is going to be the death of me, I just know it. Anyway, Justin’s been bugging me to take him to Babylon. As much as I want to keep him away from my so called friends, and keep him to myself – okay so I’m fucking greedy, can you blame me? – I decide to get ready and head out. The moment we walk in, I know that this is a bad idea. That sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that had been forming since the moment Justin had asked me just keeps growing. I am beginning to feel a little sick. Fuck me. Between seeing everyone just pawn all over him from the first moment we stepped out of the jeep, to wondering how things will work out… well let’s just say that the moment I see Anita I’m going to need something to take off the edge. I step away from him and get everything from Anita that I’ll need to make it through the night, and when I turn around I see Emmett hanging all over Justin. Oh fuck no. I will not let that fairy queen near Justin. Hell he could corrupt Justin. I don’t need the kid to go all … well be all flamy and shit. As I step up to the two, I wrap my arm around Justin, silently letting everyone know that he’s with me and they can all back the fuck up. I don’t like this shit…I’m not the jealous type, don’t get me wrong. But dam if I’m going to let these assholes pawn all over him. I don’t know if I’m able to do this. I don’t know if I can handle this crap. I am so not ready to try and be the jealous lover. It’s not me. “Let’s dance,” I say as I grab a hold of the front of Justin’s shirt and drag him out onto the dance floor. I close my eyes briefly, feeling the beat start to pound around me. With my arms around Justin, I begin to move to the rhythm, letting everything slip away. This is where I belong, where we both belong. Hell, I bet that no one thought that they would ever get this type of show out of Justin. I knew the kid was a natural at a lot of things, but the way we moved together on the dance floor, well… let’s just say that it didn’t leave much to the imagination. Bodies moving against one another, cocks straining inside the confines of our pants. This is where I belong. I think I can finally admit it. I feel comfortable with Justin… something that I have never felt before. Okay, now I know I feel comfortable with Mikey, but what I am feeling right now… having Justin so close, gives me a sense of something that I have never felt before. I don’t need the drugs that Anita gave me to feel free… to feel secure… just the feel of this man’s arms around my waist, his body pressed against mine. This is all the damn drugs I need. The outside world disappears and it leaves only Justin and I. Nothing else matters at this moment. * * * * * * * Justin and I danced a couple more songs, drank a couple of beers, when I decided that it was time for us to get the hell out of dodge. I was horny as hell and all I wanted was some time away from the assholes trying to get a piece of the man beside me. I glance at Emmett, and see him and Justin in a conversation. I can see Emmett keeping others away… shielding Justin from his admirers. Who would’ve thought that I would be able to count on him to help me out…sure as hell not me. “Ready to go,” I ask Justin leaning in to him so I could nibble on his ear. Letting him know what my intentions were. Like he would have any doubt after my cock had been pressed against him most of the damn night. “Yeah… let me finish this, and we can go. Five minutes?” Justin said turning his head slightly toward mine. “I’ll get the coats,” I tell him. I look up at Emmett letting him know that if anything happens to Justin while I’m gone, the other man would pay… and pay dearly. As I start to walk away, I saw Mikey out of the corner of my eye, glaring over at Justin. I really don’t know where this problem that Mikey has with Justin comes from, but I know I need to address it sometime. “Going to the backroom? Sure you want to leave your boy-toy all alone,” Mikey yells over the music loud enough so that even Justin and Emmett can hear. I want to turn and yell… I really don’t need Justin to think that I’m breaking my promise… but then again, there’s that small part of me that isn’t fully ready to let go of my reputation either. Of course there’s the part of me that wonders as well, if I should say something. Do I tell him that I’m not, and have Justin become suspicious? Or would he become suspicious if I don’t say anything? Relationships suck! No wonder I don’t do these damn things. “Now Michael, sweetie… you know that Brian has been a very good boy since he came back. Why I haven’t seen him go into the back room once since he got back,” Emmett said. I knew there was a reason why I liked that man. He saves my ass without me even trying, without having to do anything. “Not that I blame him with this hot young thing to sleep with.” Okay… that just went a little far. I just shake my head and once again start to head away from the guys. Of course that’s until Mikey opened his big mouth once again. “Yeah, he doesn’t go to the back room, but he still goes to the baths. At least that’s where I saw him last week.” I am so dead. Fuck! “Come on… you know how he is. Brian can have anyone he wants.” “Michael,” Emmett gasps. Fuck does anyone do drama like that man. “That’s not true sweetie. Michael’s just being a smart ass. Don’t pay him no mind.” “Look, I’m just saying that if Justin wants to be with Brian, he needs to understand how Brian is. I know him the best.” I don’t dare turn around. I don’t even fucking dare. All I know is that I am so dead. If Justin asks me… can I lie to his face and say that what Mikey’s saying is not true? Fuck! Thank-you very fucking much, Mikey. I know you’re trying to look out for me, I know that you think you know me the best and you’re only doing what you would do for anyone else… but dammit! “It’s nothing against you, Justin. I just don’t want you to get hurt by thinking that he would someone he isn’t.” And the scary thing is…one, Michael actually believes what he’s saying. And two…his damn jealousy is going to fuck everything up. I know he doesn’t want me to be with anyone… I know he still has this dream of the two of us together… but FUCK! I slowly turn to look over at Justin, and I see the disappointment in his eyes. He wanted me… he was begging me to tell him that it wasn’t true. That Michael was lying. “Brian,” Justin asked. His voice was strong, but I could hear the hope in his voice. It was telling me to deny it. I roll my lips into my mouth, and turn away. I just can’t look at him right now. I can’t lie to him, not after everything that we have talked about, everything that we have been through. “I better be going,” Justin said, pushing himself away from the bar. Justin pushes past me and I follow him. Reaching out I grab a hold of his arm, turning him toward me. “Justin… I can explain.” Silently he laughed, sounding forced. “I really don’t know if I want to hear it, Brian. You had said that you were going to be with only me. I had told you that I knew you, and I knew it wasn’t in you… but you had told me that you could. That you wanted to be. So I went along with it. I held up my end, Brian. You didn’t. You … Look I’m getting a taxi and heading toward the hotel, or somewhere. I’ll come and get my stuff tomorrow.” Justin turned away from me, and I turned him back around. “It’s not what you think.” “SO you didn’t go to the baths and fuck around,” he asked already knowing the answer. I want to deny him… I want to say that I didn’t, but I had promised myself I wouldn’t lie to him. “I can’t tell you that. What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?” Justin just shook his head and shrugged. “Nothing. Don’t say a word. There’s nothing that you can say. I’ll be in touch,” Justin said as he walked away. Fuck. I want to go to him. I want to follow him, and get him to listen to reason – tell him why I did what I did… why I didn’t tell him – but I know that it won’t make a damn bit of difference. * * * * * * * When I got to the studio the next day, after only going home long enough to shower and change, I began to look around for Justin. I don’t really know where I ended up last night, all I know is that after Justin had left, I got in my car and just drove. I didn’t want to go back to the loft if he wasn’t going to be there, and I sure as hell didn’t want to go back to the guys. All I know is that I had to think of a way to get Justin to listen to me. I know that I can make him understand. I know I can. I can’t believe that I am so whipped… that I’m actually thinking of the ‘I’m sorry’ shit. Hell I never thought that one, I would ever be in a relationship, and two that I would have anything to apologize for. I don’t do apologies, and I sure as hell don’t believe in the whole ‘here’s some flowers, I’m sorry… I’ll never do it again.’ My pop played that shit with the warden all the time… every time that he would come home drunk, or beat the shit out of us. Fuck that…I am NOT my fucking father, and I won’t play into some poor hetro bullshit. Yeah, I’ll admit I fucked up. I know this, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Did I tell him… no, but hell he never really asked, so technically it’s not lying. I would like however to make sure that he knows why I did it. And I think I had a damn good reason for it to. I mean, come on…this is the first… relationship – yuck – that I have been in. I’m bound to fuck up once in a while, and so is he. Granted Justin wouldn’t have even known about it if Mikey had just kept his big mouth shut. I know who I have always been… I know that Mikey doesn’t like the idea of me being with someone. Mikey doesn’t want me to change. I know this, and a part of me wants that too. But I’d like to think that I’m not that fucking teenager anymore. I’d like to think that maybe I have grown up. A little mind you. I really have to have a talk with Mikey about when to keep his thoughts to himself. I see Justin standing with Nick, and I can see the anger coming from both men. I am so fucked. Not that I think that Nicholas could do a damn thing to me, but just knowing that Justin is pissed at me is enough to make my insides turn. Fuck, I have no clue what I am doing. For the most part I try to stay away from both of them throughout the day, giving Justin some space. Hell, maybe if he calms down enough he’ll see how stupid this all is… he’ll actually be able to hear me out. When they are done for the day, I watch Justin just shake his head at Nicholas, and leaves the other man’s side. I stand still as Justin makes his way over to me. Silently I’m hoping that it means he’s willing to give me a chance to explain… maybe he’s willing to listen. He steps up in front of me, and refuses to meet my eyes… this is NOT a good sign. “Are you heading back to your place,” he asked. “Yeah… need a ride?” Please say yes... Just say yes, Justin. “I’ll meet you there, so I can get my stuff.” I feel the air get sucked right out of me. He’s really leaving. “Where you staying?” I wonder if he got a room at the hotel with Nicholas. If so I may still have a chance. “With a friend. So when would be a good time to stop by?” Justin still refuses to look at me, and I can’t help but wonder what the hell I can do to try and fix this. “I’ll be home all evening,” I inform him. I don’t feel like doing shit tonight, and I can only hope that I can have a shot while he’s getting his stuff to talk to him. “Okay. I better go… I’ll stop by tonight.” Justin turned and walked away. I saw him get in a car with a young woman, and watched as they drove off. All I can say is that he’s going to hear me out. I think he owes me that much. We owe it to ourselves that much. * * * * * * * TBC…